Can Self-Compassion Ease Anxiety?
Image by @AaronAmat
This essay was originally published in my March 2026 newsletter. All content was written by me (not AI)
Self-compassion To Ease Your Distress
I’ve always had a doubting, critical voice. In the past, it showed up around my parenting skills, my relationships, my work, my sensitivities, and my everyday life. Going back to school for my master’s in counseling when I was in my 50’s put me on a path to soothe that critical voice.
I was much older than most of my fellow students. I had waited to finish my undergraduate degree until after I was married and had kids. At that time, I knew I wanted to be a therapist. I also knew it would take time and effort, as I was still raising my kids and working part time.
Being back in school later in my life really activated my inner critic. All my worries and fears about not being smart enough, young enough or just “enough” flooded me with self-doubt. I questioned my abilities as a student. After graduation, I questioned my ability to be a therapist. My anxiety, which had always been a part of my life, left me wondering how I could possibly help others if I was struggling myself.
Discovering self-compassion
Fortunately, my supervisor introduced me to Kristin Neff and the practice of self-compassion. As I dove into her work and began practicing self-compassion meditations, I realized that this critical voice wasn’t my motivator. It didn’t push me to be my best self. Instead, it made me question myself. It usually left me feeling anxious, overwhelmed, depressed, and worthless.
The practice of self-compassion encourages us to accept ourselves and our imperfections with loving kindness, as we would accept a loved one or dear friend. The practice embraces that we’re all human and, as humans, we experience joy and sorrow. We succeed and we fail.
That concept can be difficult. You might think that if you accept that you’re imperfect beings—that you make mistakes and you struggle—it makes you weak, or that you might never succeed. But research shows that when you’re kind and compassionate with yourself during difficult times, you’re more able to complete challenging tasks and you’re more resilient. A self-compassion practice can also ease anxious, overwhelmed, and depressed feelings.
Soothing your critical parts
So how do you embrace, soothe, and quiet that critical part? You get curious. You notice when it shows up. You offer the critical part some love for how hard it works to keep you on our toes. And you remind that part that it’s okay that you don’t have everything figured out.
Get curious
When your critical part gets loud, try exploring that part of you. Talking to a therapist and journaling are great ways to get curious with your parts in a safe space.
Here are 11 journaling prompts for exploring your critical part:
Do the critic’s words and tone mimic someone else in your life?
What does the critic say to you?
Is this a message you’ve been told in the past?
Is this a story about you that you believe is true?
If you could describe the critical part, what would it look like?
Where do you feel that part of you in your body?
How is the part helpful or unhelpful?
Why does that part feel it needs to be so critical?
What is that part afraid might happen if it stopped being critical?
As you learn what drives our critical part—often it’s fear of failure, being judged, or disappointing others—you can practice being more compassionate and caring when it starts to chatter.
Healing practices
When you find you’re feeling anxious or critical about something you said, did, felt, or experienced, and your critical starts up, you can try some of these practices to help you build your self-compassionate voice:
Self-acceptance: Place your hand on your heart. Close your eyes, if it feels comfortable, and say these words: “This is a difficult experience. We all struggle from time-to-time. May I be kind and accept myself as I am.”
Self-kindness: When you find you’re being really hard on yourself, ask yourself what you might say to a friend or loved one who was struggling with a similar issue. My guess is you would never be as hard on your friend as you are on yourself. Now, try offering to yourself the kind, caring words you would say to a loved one. Initially it might feel forced or uncomfortable to be so nice to yourself, but with practice those words will feel more genuine.
Loving kindness meditations: When you meditate and offer words of love and compassion to yourself and others, it helps you feel more connected and compassionate towards everyone. The phrases I learned as I began my self-compassion practice are: “May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be happy, and may I live my life with ease.”
A loving kindness meditation prompts you to offer comforting words to yourself, to others you know, and to the larger community, "May you be safe…” and finally suggests offering those words to the whole world, plants, animals, humans, "May we be safe…”
Loving kindness meditations help you feel more connected to your common experience as citizens of the world, generating feelings of goodwill towards yourself and all living beings.
There are many versions of this meditation. If you Google “loving kindness meditation” or “meta meditation,” you’ll find many results. You can find my meditation, “Connecting to Yourself and to the World,” and other loving kindness meditations on the app Insight Timer.
My critical voice still shows up from time to time, but it’s transformed into a kinder version of its old self. It now knows that it doesn’t need to work so hard to keep me safe. It knows that I’m not perfect, and I’m okay with that.
If you’re looking for a community built on compassion and kindness you can learn more here- Circle Membership.